


and when the world falls (I will fall with it)

by HeavenChild



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Language of Flowers, M/M, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, not team Cap friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeavenChild/pseuds/HeavenChild
Summary: Tony will give anything to those he loves.People will take everything he gives before leaving him in shambles.Rhodhey, Pepper and Vision have had enough.Or the five times Tony had his heart broken and the one time he didn't.





	1. Howard Stark

**I picked a rose for you**

**A red rose filled by love**

**It left me with torns in my heart**

**Thorns that stayed when you left**

 

* * *

 

 

When a child is born, no matter where, no matter who, he will always have two flower marks interaced over his heart. One represents who he is, what he will be remembered as. The other is a faded bloom, one who will remain grey and dead to the world until the day they meets their soulmate.

 

Some people spend their whole lives searching for their destined ones and die without them. Others meet them on a random city, at the corner of a street, and wonder, days later, if they will ever find each other again. And then, there are the lucky ones, those who meet and love each other and whose skins are marred by bellflower and forget-me-not as time goes by.

 

Howard Stark's soulmate was never found, not that the man even bothered to begin with. Maria Stark's soulmate died when she was sixteen, the clover on her chest turning darker and darker until there was nothing left on her rose beside a wilted flower.

 

When Anthony Edward Stark was born to them later on, his existence revealed a new case nobody thought to explore before.

 

Those with no soulmate.

 

Howard could have learned to accept it. He himself didn't see the need of what he saw as a distraction, and the marriage he had with Maria was by no way a happy one. In a way, he was more than satisfied that the boy wouldn't be bothered by some kind of soulmate searching later in his life.

 

When he saw the single olive branch, however, his face went blank. 

 

_Peace._

 

Howard never bothered to give his son more attention after that. He had no care for useless things.

 

* * *

 

 

When Tony was four, he made his first circuit board.

 

When Tony was four, he gained his first mark beside the one who rested upon his heart.

 

When Tony was four, he learned that no matter how beautiful a flower may seem, their story was not always a happy one.

 

When he was four, broken parts on the ground around him, a stinging pain on his cheek and a burning sensation on his chest, when his father looked at him with so much contempt and disgust, Tony learned that he would never amount to anything in his father's eyes. He would never be enough.

 

Later that day, when Jarvis held him as he finally let the tears down, because it hurt no matter what Howard said and, despite his best efforts, he couldn't seem to become a man of iron like his father wanted, Tony saw the yellow carnation on his chest. It was surrounding his olive branch and for a moment, Tony desperately wished he had gotten a soulmate. Because... _this_?

 

_Rejection._

 

This thing hurt more than anything else.

 

It was another mocking remember that not only Tony would always be alone, but he would never be able to escape Howard's shadow.

 

* * *

 

 

When Tony was almost seven, he showed Jarvis his new invention, a V8 motorbike engine. Jarvis smiled at him, and congratulated him. He listened to him with something Tony could have mistaken for fondness, had he not known better. Tony loved Jarvis, and he loved his mother despite her regular absences. But Tony wanted Howard to look at him, wanted Howard to tell him he had done well.

 

Tony wanted a father.

 

At seven, another broken invention by his side, another yellow carnation on his chest, another failure by his fault, another lecture about how Captain America could have done better, Tony learned the meaning of a new flower.

 

At seven, Tony looked at himself in the mirror. 

 

He saw a boy with an olive branch on his heart. He looked at the boy who wished and wished and wished. He looked at the boy whose skin was marred by  _peace_ , at the boy who was probably the first without a soulmate.

 

He would probably also be the first one who would never get to live like he was 'destined' to.  

 

Tony knew better than to think he could do something else than to destroy. Than war.

 

He saw a boy with yellow carnation spreading over his upper chest, tangling with each other and circling the lonely flower in the center. There were a lot. Probably too much. Tony had stopped counting after twenty.

 

He saw a boy with yellows roses and yellow hyacinths tangled in the circle.  _Jealousy_.

 

Tony laughed. He laughed until he was crying and he cried until he was screaming.

 

He never heard Jarvis enter, he never felt him hold him close to his heart.

 

For a long time, Tony would, in the deepest part of his heart, wish that Jarvis had left him alone that day.

 

After all, it would have been a great way to get used to being alone.

 

* * *

 

At ten, Tony stopped trying to get his father's affection. 

 

At ten, Tony grew tired of the flowers that kept spreading around the olive branch.

 

At ten, Tony finally gave up.

 

For a long while after that, he would wonder why he never got another flower when he made that decision.

 

Because he was old enough to know that the flowers...they appeared because of his feelings.

 

And Tony could never quite manage to stop feeling.

 

He loved too much. And he wished, sometimes, that he could stop loving. 


	2. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At fifteen, wintergreens grew from the top of his shoulders to his elbows, spiraling in a beautiful myriad of green and red. Tony chose not to hide them, not like he had hidden his other marks. On the contrary of what his father had left him, Rhodey had given Tony something worth showing the world. Tony started thinking he was worth something else than the Stark heir, another procurer of weapons.

**There are flowers covering my skin**

**Purple, orange and red mingling together**

**There are flowers on my skin**

**And together, they feel like drowning**

 

* * *

 

 

When he was fourteen, Tony started attending MIT. He met James Rhodes. Rhodey became his new nickname less than five minutes after meeting him. He became his roommate – after all, being rich did have perks – and Tony…well, Tony was happy.

 

(And if Rhodey becoming his roommate had anything to do with the fact that Tony knew he could trust him not to say about how much the Stark heir loved cuddling, how he thrived on lingering touches because he needed affection and he took it any way he could, well…that was Tony and Rhodey’s secret to keep.)

 

When he was fifteen, Tony got new flowers, flowers that showed that his persistent tries in becoming heartless for the last five years didn’t really amount to anything – not that he truly had any hope to begin with.

 

When he was fifteen, Tony showed someone else his flower mark (and the fact he had no soulmate). Rhodey smiled at him, thanked him, and did Tony the same favor. In his skin, just above his heart, there was a lavender.

 

A _single_ lavender. _Loyalty_.

 

Tony never thought about the fact that maybe he wasn’t the only one ‘cursed to be alone’. Suddenly, all the words his father said to him, all the apologies his mother murmured because she felt she had failed him became nonexistent.

 

Tony was _not_ alone.

 

He was happier than ever back then.

 

At fifteen, wintergreens grew from the top of his shoulders to his elbows, spiraling in a beautiful myriad of green and red. Tony chose not to hide them, not like he had hidden his other marks. On the contrary of what his father had left him, Rhodey had given Tony something worth showing the world. Tony started thinking he was worth something else than the Stark heir, another procurer of weapons.

 

_Harmony._

 

The wintergreens fitted with Tony’s flower, they fitted with his relationship with Rhodey, and for a while, he truly believed he could become someone else. For years, even.

 

At sixteen, Tony won the 4th Annual MIT Robot Design Award with Fun-E, a robot that would later be remade and renamed as Dum-E (after his father destroyed it for being an ‘useless piece a trash’ when Tony got home for the summer). Tony was too used to the feeling of a newly made yellow carnation to care about it when it happened, though he did feel thankful it wasn’t anywhere close to the red-colored carnation that had grown under the wintergreens on his right arm after the competition. Yellow carnation were hated by him, but the red one…the red one was fine.

 

_Pride_.

 

Even rejection couldn’t take that away from him. Not anymore.

 

One year later, Tony graduated at the same time as Rhodey. Rhodey left without telling Tony anything else than he wanted to try travelling for a while and Tony…Tony started becoming _something else_ ( ~~monster~~ ).

 

His fa- Howard wanted to prepare him for the day he’d lead SI, teaching him anything he knew (everything Tony hated).

 

Years later, Tony wouldn’t remember anything else.

 

And then, when he was twenty-one, everything went downwards. His parents died – twin marigolds grew on his skin – and then, Jarvis died too.

 

Another marigold grew. It wouldn’t be the last one. Not for a long, long time.

_Grief_.

 

Obadiah Stane took over for a short time, and Tony became truly thankful to him. But things being what they were, Tony still went and became the new CEO of S.I. and started creating. Rhodey came back, having joined the United States Armed Forces. Rhodey refused SI initial offer of procuring them weapons at first (he had been wary of anything to do with SI ever since Tony showed him his mark) but his superior’s orders and Tony’s insistence finally won him over.

 

He did make sure, regularly, that Tony was truly okay with it.

 

Tony became one of the most known people in the world, SI thrived, people liked him and Tony… He thought he was happy.

 

And then, Afghanistan happened.

 

* * *

 

 

After Afghanistan, a lot of things changed.

 

Tony started covering his arms, his legs, everything. There was a hole in his heart, a hole where there was once _peace_.

 

Tony should have learned to appreciate it before.

 

There were red balsam, burdock and butterfly weed around his limbs. Not a single space was spared.

 

_Don’t touch me, go away, leave me alone_.

 

Tony started refusing drinks, food, lingering touches (those were the ones that hurt the most). Even glances were sometimes too much for him to handle, Yinsen’s eyes staring back at him, his bloodied body on the ground, the urgent look in his eyes.

 

_Don’t waste your life_.

 

Too late. Tony had probably already wasted it.

 

* * *

 

 

For a while, Rhodey and Pepper were the only ones he allowed to remain by his side. Even then, he felt more at peace with Rhodey. He knew Pepper would never let harm come to him. He _did_ trust her. But Rhodey… Rhodey had been a constant in his life from the first moment he walked in MIT. He wouldn’t leave him, not ever, not when he knew Tony _needed_ him. And Tony became dependant, ~~clinging~~ following Rhodey more often than not, calling him at every second of the day.

 

Rhodey always answered no matter what. Rhodey was the only one Tony allowed himself to be vulnerable with. Before he knew it, before he knew what he was doing, Tony had started becoming excessively ~~creepy~~ strange with him.

 

He had had JARVIS monitor his movements, the people talking to him, their background, what they were talking about (which broke a few federal laws, but since it wasn’t the first time, they could suck it up). He needed to _know_ Rhodey was safe.

 

Rhodey called him out on it after less than a week. And Tony, being the idiot that he was, blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.

 

“I love you.” _Lie_.

 

Truth.

 

“But you’re not in love with me, Tony.” Rhodey counterattacked, immediately raising a hand to interrupt his spluttering. “I care about you, Tones. Deeply. More than anything. You’re my best friend, my brother, my family. And I love you, truly. But not like that. Not like you think you want it to be, not like you think it is.”

 

“Rhodey-bear, what are you even talking about? Got a-“Tony’s pitiful attempt to avoid the subject he brought himself was cut off before he could even finish his sentence, his desperate try to cover the painful clenching of his heart with a joke because he didn’t know any better being too obvious.

 

He didn’t know which hurt the most: Rhodey’s clear dismissal of his feelings or the fact that maybe he was right.

 

“Tones, listen to me. I won’t leave you. Not ever. We’ll always be there for each other, no matter the need. I _swear_ it. But I need you to be live, not to survive. I need you _alive_.”

 

There was pleading in his voice, his eyes searching for his, quietly trying to gauge his reaction. And Tony listened, and tried to make it better. He talked with Pepper (no psychiatrist, no _fucking_ psychiatrist), sometimes with Obie, and he got better.

 

Tony might not have gotten Rhodey’s love (or whatever it was that he was seeking at that time), but he received something far more precious.

 

Alstroemeria.

 

_Lasting friendship._


	3. Virginia 'Pepper' Potts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit : just noticed I forgot the poem at the beginning. It's corrected now.

**You offered me love**

**You offered me life**

**I cherished none**

**Until they were both gone**

 

* * *

 

 

The first time Tony had seen Virginia Potts (who he would later call Pepper), she was in the middle of arguing with one of his bodyguards, waving something looking suspiciously like one of his latest projects in the air while insulting him with backhanded comments Tony could only admire.

 

He promoted her on the spot (since when he had tried to hire her, he had learnt she was already working for him).

 

The last time he would see her would be decades later, where she would be standing with her soulmate and Tony would be standing alone.

 

As it had always been.

 

* * *

 

 

Pepper had been the most formidable woman Tony had ever met in his life. She was confident, sarcastic and never hesitated to yell at Tony when she felt like he was acting like a complete idiot.

 

It shouldn’t have surprised him when they ended up together.

 

It shouldn’t have surprised him when she ultimately left him either.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Tony had always known there was little hope he would get to keep her. With the matters of Stane, Vanko, Hammer, the Chitauri, and then, Killian piling on top of each other…

 

Pepper had always been a civilian, albeit a gifted one and a marvelous CEO, but a civilian nonetheless. Tony never should have brought her in his troubles. He should have known better, should have protected her, but Tony was talented in messing up the few people who actually mattered to him.

 

Pepper had a soulmate, Tony had always known. She had met him once, had never taken their relationship farther than it should be because she still loved Tony but then, Tony had messed up badly (as in, he discovered his existence and acted like the worst human being ever) and she left him.

 

She had told him she couldn’t keep doing this, couldn’t keep wondering when he was going to get himself killed (because that’s what would happen, she was convinced of it) and that until he put down the suit, she and him would remain as coworkers, nothing more.

 

(She didn’t leave Stark Industries, she still took the time to call him and make sure he was alright, she sent Rhodey after him when he ignored her and for that, Tony would always be grateful.)

 

It took him time to truly accept the break-up. He loved Pepper, he always had probably ever since he met her, he probably still would for a long time.

 

(He hoped it wouldn't be too long.)

 

* * *

 

 

Among all the people he knew, Pepper was also special in a different case. It had more to do with Tony, actually.

 

Only two flowers grew on his skin for her, two flowers Tony loved, two flowers he would exchange for nothing.

 

Among them, there was a purple hydrangea with some blue on the extremity of its petal. It was surrounding his chest, covering the yellow flowers Tony had spent so much time hating.

 

(In truth, it didn’t truly cover them, only grew interlaced with them, but it was more than Tony ever thought he would get.)

 

_Thank you. Thank you for understanding, thank you for helping me._

 

The other, the other was so much more. The other could easily represent his whole life.

 

When Tony had awoken in Afghanistan so many years ago with a hole in his chest, shrapnel in his heart and Yinsen for sole company, his first thought hadn’t been about the men who accompanied him, the Stark Industries’ weapon or his more than unusual situation.

 

It had been about the hole, the hole where his olive branch used to grow (alone, yes, but still there).

 

Tony had believed that one day, he could be better, that one day, maybe he too could do something good.

 

So when he had awoken and found the hole, something inside his soul had died.

 

* * *

 

 

Years later, when he had looked at himself into the mirror and had found another olive branch below the wintergreens of his left arm…

 

He had cried.

 

* * *

 

 

So Pepper may no longer be his to be in love with (Tony knew when to give up, despite what some people said, and he would never ever give up on Iron Man, no matter what it would cost him), but she was still Tony's friend. 

 

So Rhodey may never have been the one meant for him (Tony now knew he was never in love with the man, only desperate to get comfort, security and control, without any care about the way it was done), but he was still Tony's friend.

 

Happy also might not have been what Tony expected when he hired the man, but he was loyal to Tony, and Tony thought they were close enough to be considered friends.

 

Tony Stark had friends.

 

Tony Stark had people who loved him ( ~~not the way he wanted them to~~ ).

 

It was enough.

 

It had to be.

 

Otherwise, Tony wasn't sure what he would become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this story so far! It really means a lot to me.
> 
> About this chapter, I had a harder time writing it, and I'm still unsure about some things, but I still hope you like it. The form is a little different because I'm unsure about how old Tony is so well...let's hope I didn't mess up too badly? Next chapter is already half-written, and I think it might be one of my favourites so far. Any guess who is the next heartbreak of Tony?


	4. Steven Grant Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As many correctly guessed, this chapter is about Steve Rogers, also known as Captain America.
> 
> I'd like to remind everyone that this isn't Team Cap friendly, even less Steve Rogers friendly. While I didn't exactly bash him, I did not depict him in a good light.
> 
> This chapter is also one of the longest I wrote (around 3 000 words), so it's about three times the size of the previous chapters.

**Purple was the flower I offered**

**When I gave you my heart**

**You crushed one**

**And killed the other**

* * *

When he was a child, Tony had quickly learned that Captain America had been the one who stole Howard’s slightest bit of love he might have had for Tony from him.

 

He should have known being older hadn’t changed anything.

 

He should have known better than to trust someone who didn’t trust him.

 

He should have known better than to give his heart to a man who’d rather have faith in a witch who was trying to kill them minutes ago than his own teammate.

 

He should have known better, he should have learnt, but he didn’t.

 

The joke was on him, apparently.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Stark. I need a word with you.”_

_“Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.”_

_“Do what?”_

_Tony’s face crinkled a little. “The thing you’re about to accuse me off?”_

_“The thing I- for God’s sake, Stark! I’m not here to fight, alright! Just listen to me!”_

_“Fire up, Cap. Get it out of your system.”_

_“Look, Stark, I… I haven’t been fair to you when we met and I’m sorry about what I said.”_

_“You’re…sorry?”_

_“Yes. Yes, I am.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tony shouldn’t have loved a man who hated him.

 

Tony shouldn’t have loved a man who already had a soulmate (apparently, whether he was dead or not had never been a concern for Ste- Rogers).

 

Tony shouldn’t have loved a man who never took the time to listen to him, a man who only wanted Tony to do whatever he said.

 

Tony shouldn’t have.

 

But he had always loved loved loved, and it always hurt hurt hurt.

 

Tony shouldn’t have, but he did anyway.

 

It was his fault.

 

(And if there were new flowers, then so be it. He already had yellow carnations and roses etched onto his skin. What could some aloe do? He knew it was _painful_ , but this was life.

 

He just had to deal with it.)

 

* * *

 

_“Howard was a good man, Tony. He just had a lot on his shoulders.”_

_“So it was normal for him not to care about me, that’s what you’re saying?”_

_Tony’s tone was flat, devoid of any emotion._

_“He cared about you. I’m sure of it. He just had a lot of difficulty expressing it.”_

_“I see.”_

_Rogers’ eyes looked at his own. The blonde raised up._

_“Trust me, Tony. I knew him, and I know you. He loved you, Tony, trust me.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tony _had_ trusted him.

 

He had trusted him to tell him the truth, he had trusted him to stay together, he had trusted him to protect him, he had trusted him to have his back.

 

Tony had trusted him with everything he had, had trusted him just as he trusted Rhodey and Pepper.

 

There was adonis and wormwood to accompany the wintergreens now.

 

 _It hurts to remember. Absence_. ( ~~Why would you do that to me!?)~~

 

It was alright. It was okay.

 

(Tony had already destroyed the significance of the wintergreens when Afghanistan happened. One or two more wouldn’t change much. After all…)

 

It was his own fault.

 

If he died, if Rhodey died, if the kid (oh God, the kid!) died, it would all be Tony’s fault.

 

It always had.

 

It always would.

 

Ste- Rogers had wanted Tony’s trust, but had never given his own.

 

He only took (just as everyone did).

 

It was fine. Tony was used to it.

 

It was fine ( ~~it was not~~ ).

 

* * *

 

 

_“Iron Man. Are you alright?”_

_“Sure thing, Cap! “Tony let a grin on his face as he approached his leader._

_Rogers’ face turned into a frown. He sent a dubious gaze at him. It was as if the rampaging giant wolf currently being pursued by the Hulk didn’t exist._

_“Get out of your suit and show me your chest.”_

_“If you wanted to see me naked, you only had to ask, Cap. Though I don’t have such kinks, so maybe it could wait?” Tony’s voice was teasing but he made no move to obey him._

_“Tony.”_

_“Cap.”_

_Rogers sighed. “You just took a car in a chest and crashed into a building. Show me your wounds. You’re part of the team. I won’t have you die on my watch.”_

_“I’m fine, Spangles. Never been better.”_

_And Tony took off, ignoring his distant calls._

* * *

 

It was not fine.

 

Tony went to Siberia, tried to mend the bridges, tried to keep the team from breaking out even more than they already had.

 

They were his family (and no, they didn’t try to kill them at the airport, no no no).

 

He needed them. He needed them more than anything, he couldn’t go through that again, not the pain of being alone (please, not again!).

 

He went. He was alone. He trusted Rogers.

 

(Rogers didn’t. He never did.)

 

He went, he fought, he lost.

 

The arc reactor glowed blue, stopped glowing, and died (and Tony never felt more grateful to have had the shrapnel removed. Otherwise…)

 

He couldn’t die. Not yet. Not before making sure Rhodey was going to be alright (he still had been unconscious when Tony had left for Siberia).

 

Rogers and Barnes were about to leave, and Tony became desperate.

 

He didn’t want to be left behind.

 

He didn’t want to be alone.

 

He wanted them to stay, even if it meant hurting Rogers just like he had hurt Tony.

 

“That shield doesn’t belong to you! You don’t deserve it! My father made that shield!”

 

Rogers dropped it and looked at him, and there was so much disgust in his eyes, so much hatred, that Tony’s next words got stuck in his throat. A familiar burn occurred on his skin, but he ignored it.

 

_What right do you have!? Why do you ask for complete honesty when you cannot offer it!? Why did you lie to me, why didn’t you fucking tell me!? He killed my parents! You claimed to love me, so WHY!?_

_Give it back! This shield is mine! It’s mine, alright!? Mine mine mine! You don’t get to take anything else away! Why is it that everything I gave you wasn’t enough!? Why is it that it’s that easy to betray me!? Food, home, family, memories! What more do you want!? Tell me! Just fucking tell me!_

“…ell me.”

 

Rogers heard his broken whisper. Of course he did. Scorn marred his features, because _obviously_ , such a self-righteous person couldn’t possibly leave anything unexplained.

 

“Bucky wasn’t in control of his actions, Tony. He didn’t consciously and willingly kill all those people. Not like you. I guess I was wrong to think you could be a decent person. Your hands were always stained by blood.”

 

And Tony gasped, and Tony _hurt_. Rogers and Barnes still left without looking back.

 

 ~~Of course they did~~.

 

Tony’s heart felt like it was being torn apart (did he even have one left anymore?). There was a burning sensation where his suit’s arc reactor ~~was~~ used to be and it hurt.

 

It _hurt._

 

For one second, Tony wanted to die, wanted to forget (and anyway, it wasn’t like he could get up or if anyone would find him).

 

(Or would they? Maybe Rogers would have had called someone to tell them to pick him up. Maybe Rogers didn’t actually want him to die.)

 

For a second, Tony wanted to die. But he remembered Rhodey. Rhodey unconscious, Rhodey who might die or be a cripple for the rest of his life.

 

And it was _his_ fault.

 

And Tony couldn’t _breathe_ , but he needed to apologize to Rhodey, he couldn’t let him live the rest of his life (if he still had one) like this and Tony _had_ to do something, but he _couldn’t_ breathe.

 

He didn’t want to die.

 

He didn’t want to die.

 

He _couldn’t_ die.

 

Tony tried to get up, fell on his knees, moved again, and tried once more.

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

It didn’t work. He couldn’t move. He would die freezing to death.

 

Alone _._

 

For a moment, Tony was afraid.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Hey Cap!”_

_“Tony…? Why aren’t you sleeping?”_

_“Just had some work to finish. You?”_

_“I was thinking.” Rogers answered him._

_“About what?”_

_This time, Rogers hesitated. “About you, actually.”_

_“Me?” repeated Tony, wrinkles forming on his face._

_“Yes… It’s just… I noticed you don’t seem to like spending time with us. You’re always keeping a distance and you never accept anything we give you, be it help or the food we cook. So I was wondering if it was better if we left. I wouldn’t want to impose on you.”_

_“…I don’t like being handed things, Cap. It’s nothing personal.”_

_“But we’re a team! Surely, you can trust us?”_

_“I trust you, I do! It’s just that-“_

_“Then what’s the problem?”_

_Tony stayed silent. Rogers shifted uncomfortably. He talked once more when Tony was about to leave the room._

_“Tony, wait. You know you can call me Steve, right? All my friends do.”_

_“Sure thing, Cap!”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tony didn’t die.

 

_He is my friend._

 

He only spent nine hours freezing and bleeding out (at least, until the cold froze his blood too).

 

_He is my friend._

 

He didn’t understand how he survived (and he didn’t want to know).

 

_He is my friend._

 

* * *

 

 

_“Tony. Can I ask you a question?”_

_“You just did, Cap, but sure.”_

_“What was Howard like? With his family?”_

_Tony’s breath stilled._

_“Why do you want to know?” (Why do you care to know?)_

_“Nat said some things. I wanted to confirm them with you.”_

_“I don’t want to talk about it.”_

_“She told me he spent his whole life searching for me, scouring the ocean. That he…he wasn’t often present with you and your mother. And that you growing up alone may explain-“_

_“I said I didn’t want to talk about it!” Tony lashed out, seconds away from a panic attack._

_He didn’t want to remember all those years; he didn’t need to. His father never loved him. That was it. He was just unlucky._

_“…I’m sorry. Even you didn’t deserve this, Tony.”_

_Maybe this should have been his clue. Rogers clearly had conflicting views about him and he apparently never could apologize for his actions._

_Tony didn’t take the clue._

 

* * *

 

 

_He is my friend._

_You did that when you signed._

_I could do this all day._

 

Tony had nightmares. Tony had more PTSD. Tony couldn’t help but collapse when someone approached him without his knowledge.

 

Tony was broken. Again.

 

Later, he’d discover yew flowers and orange mock around his neck and the place where his arc reactor used to be (where Rogers had slammed his shield down and down and down).

 

 _Sorrow. Deceit_.

 

(But it was alright. Tony had already destroyed the meaning behind the wintergreens. He just did the same with the hydrangea. He always did.)

 

Later, he’d learn that a man named Stephen Strange had saved him.

 

Later, he’d learn that Rogers leaving him to die was as much a salvation than a condemnation.

 

Later.

 

* * *

 

 

_“You deserve love, Tony. What your father did, what we all did, the fact we could only see the facade you showed us… It wasn’t fair.”_

_“And who would love me? There was a reason Pepper left me. I’m a mess. I have a talent for destroying everything and everyone I care for.”_

_“I would.”_

_Silence._

_“What did you just say!?” Tony’s voice was high. Too high. He was panicking._

_“Tony,” said Rogers with an appeasing gesture._

_“What the fucking hell did you just say!?”_

_Rogers didn’t make any comment on his swearing. He looked at Tony, and he repeated his words._

_“I said I would love you. I already do.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Tony was used to people leaving him.

 

It didn’t mean it hurt any less.

 

He was also used to the flowers they gave him (as long as it was on his skin).

 

Rogers also left him with a flower, one in his heart, one where there was only one solution to get rid of it (because Tony was an idiot and he couldn’t stop loving).

 

When he started coughing up bloodied petals, he didn’t immediately contact Strange.

 

It wasn’t until the burn in his throat became impossible to ignore, it wasn’t until the clenching around his heart made it hard to breathe that he decided he needed help.

 

The day Strange arrived, Tony had just coughed up an almost fully-bloomed flower onto his table.

 

(He asked FRIDAY which one it was and the AI told him it was a purple hyacinth, often used to represent sorrow and ask for forgiveness. Tony found the situation ironically laughable.

 

He didn’t feel like it was his fault. (He knew it wasn’t.)

 

It _wasn’t_.)

 

The doctor, on the other hand, was thoroughly unimpressed.

 

Tony didn’t care.

 

* * *

 

 

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”_

 

What a joke.

 

* * *

 

 

The Hanahaki disease, Strange called it.

 

“It appears when one soulmate rejects the other. In the first place, Stark, you never should have gotten it. It should be impossible.”

 

“What does it do?” (Of course it had to do with soulmate. Of course.)

 

“When one soulmate rejects the other, the pain causes the flower marks over the heart to lay seeds around it. One affected by the Hanahaki disease will cough up flower petals while the seeds grow, and when they’re fully completed, he’ll be choked to death by them.”

 

“How interesting,” muttered Tony with a flat tone. Strange ignored him.

 

“There are three ways to get rid of them. If the love is reciprocated, the seeds die and the marks are back over the heart.”

 

“Yeah,” snorted Tony. “Not happening, since I _don’t_ have a soulmate.”

 

“The second way is the easiest in those kind of situations for most people. If you stop loving your soulmate, there is no longer unrequited love and the flowers die, breaking at the same time the soulbond.”

 

Tony hesitated. He wanted that. He wanted to live, and he wanted to stop loving.

 

Thing was, Tony was an idiot. He stayed silent. Strange pursued.

 

“The last one was discovered recently. There is a surgical procedure that removes the seed. When it does, all feelings, and sometimes memories, are erased.”

 

Tony knew it was the way he should do it. Knew it was the right thing to do. He knew, but he didn’t want to forget (not everything). But Rhodey, Pepper and Vision… he couldn’t leave them alone.

 

He didn’t think about Bruce ( ~~his science bro~~ ). 

 

He didn’t think about Thor (Thor choking him, looking at him like he could crush him anytime, looking at him just like Rogers had).

 

They left, end of the story (and _no_ , Tony wasn’t bitter about that fact).

 

Rhodey needed him if he wanted to be able to walk again. Someone _needed_ his help. Tony nodded his head, but Strange didn’t move.

 

“There is no going back, Stark. Are you sure?”

 

“I am. Since this disease isn’t common knowledge, I guess the surgery isn’t either?”

 

“I know someone.”

 

Tony was not fond of being handed things (even a surgery), but he needed to stay alive. He simply nodded.

 

(At least, Strange left him to his own thoughts. Not like someone else.)

 

* * *

 

_I haven’t been fair to you when we met and I’m sorry about what I said._

_**(** _ _**This doesn’t have to end in a fight, Tony.)** _

_Trust me, Tony._

_**(I didn’t know it was him.)** _

_You’re part of the team._

_**(I could do this all day.)** _

_All my friends do._

_**(** _ _**But he’s my friend.)** _

_…I’m sorry._

_**(This isn’t going to change what happened.)** _

_I said I would love you._

_**(The safest hands are still our own.)** _

 

* * *

 

 

Tony remembered what loving Rogers felt like.

 

He remembered smiling at him, and he scoffed.

 

He remembered thinking about how Rogers meant the world to him, and he sneered.

 

He remembered everything except for _why_.

 

For a while, Tony regretted his choice.

 

* * *

 

 

The letter took care of the problem.

 

By extension, Rogers took care of it, even if unknowingly.

 

With a clear head, Tony realized a lot of things about the relationship he had with Rogers, most importantly, about the disdain and the hypocrisy. 

 

> _Tony, I'm glad you're back at the compound. I don't like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself. We all need family. The Avengers are yours. Maybe more so than mine. I've been on my own since I was 18. I never really fit in anywhere, even in the army. My faith's in people, I guess. Individuals. And I'm happy to say that, for the most part, they haven't let me down. Which is why I can't let them down either. Locks can be replaced, but maybe they shouldn't. I know I hurt you, Tony. I guess I thought by not telling you about your parents I was sparing you, but I can see now that I was really sparing myself, and I'm sorry. Hopefully one day you can understand. I wish we agreed on the Accords, I really do. I know you're doing what you believe in, and that's all any of us can do. That's all any of us should. So no matter what, I promise you, if you need us…if you need me…I'll be there._

 

The Avengers had never been Tony’s family.

 

If they had, Clint and Natasha wouldn’t have so eagerly backstabbed Tony.

 

If they had, they wouldn’t have accepted a known terrorist member despite Tony’s protests (which he was quite sure none of them bothered to try to listen to).

 

If they had, they wouldn’t have tried to kill them at the airport, they wouldn’t have lied to him, they wouldn’t have left him to die.

 

The Avengers weren’t his family. They were Steve’s.

 

Tony didn’t need Steve.

 

Not anymore.

 

Not since the man left him bleeding out in Siberia with a flower growing in his lungs.

 

Tony needed to keep Rhodey and Pepper and Happy (and the kid, he couldn’t forget the kid) alive.

 

It wasn’t the first time people disappointed him.

 

It probably wouldn’t be the last.

 

It was fine. Tony would deal with it. No harm done.

 

(It actually was fine until Pepper found the letter that Tony had hidden, showed it to Rhodey, who showed it to Happy, who had it stolen by the kid. In the end, even Vision was implicated when Tony, in his incredible stupidity, asked him to recover it because Pepper and Rhodey were still busy cursing Rogers and Happy…well… Happy was Happy.)

 

The following explosion about the ‘hypocritical and delusional two-timer with a dick instead of a brain who thinks the whole world revolves around him’ and the threats of lawsuits against all those involved even if one was a king (Tony still wanted to know how she had found the location since he knew hacking wasn’t one of her assets) would remain in the annals.

 

(Tony put a stop to it, thought. He was fine. He had been foolish to search for a family in the Avengers when he already got one.)

 

So Tony loved, was betrayed, still continued to love.

 

That was is.

 

Life went on.

 

It was _fine_.


	5. James Buchanan Barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is finally here! Thank you for everyone for your support, it really means a lot to me. Funny thing about this chapter : it was supposed to be written days ago and around 2 000 words. I ended up rewriting it two times because I wasn't satisfied (and I ended up with 4 500 words). I also changed some tags.
> 
> Tony Stark/Bucky became Tony Stark & Bucky because I really couldn't manage to put a romantic relationship between the two of them.
> 
> As always, it isn't Steve Rogers friendly, though I did give some Team Cap members a redemption (kind of).

**I lived for peace, yet dreamt of war**

**You lived for war, yet dreamt of peace**

**From the very beginning**

**We were not meant to be**

 

* * *

 

 

When two years had passed since the Avengers disappeared, when the scars had faded away and when the flowers on his skin had stopped making Tony feel like the worst human being ever, Tony decided to send a message to Wakanda.

 

A single sentence. Four words.

 

_They have been pardoned._

 

It wasn’t easy for Tony to let go of his resentment, of the feeling of betrayal. It wasn’t easy, but he did it anyway.

 

He was used to it. Choices had always been hard. And he still had done them.

 

Choices, in this case, implicated the whole Earth. Strange had told him that someone named Thanos was going to come, that without the Avengers, the Earth would lose.

 

(Tony hadn’t wanted to listen to him but given that the man had saved his life – twice – he tried to. He regretted it.)

 

The world needed the Avengers. Tony didn’t need them, didn’t want them. Tony, sadly, never got what he wanted.

 

The day they returned, Tony realized Rogers didn’t change.

 

The day they returned, Tony also realized Rogers wasn’t the only one who mattered.

 

Maximoff, for once, didn’t look at him with hatred in her eyes, only hesitation. When Barton, a sneer on his face, asked Tony if he’d like to apologize, she stopped him. When Rogers told Tony that he hoped they would be able to move on, she stood quietly by his side, disagreement present on her features. When Vision tried to catch her eyes, she dodged him, guilt seeping out of her.

 

Tony hadn’t forgotten what she had done to him, hadn’t forgotten the deaths and the families left behind, but for a moment… he wondered.

 

Wilson and Lang also seemed restless. They stood next to each other, and as far as possible to the others. Lang tried to wave to Hope (she had joined Tony after he cleared the charges against her) but she ignored him coldly. Given her circumstances, it was more than understandable.

 

The more surprising, however, was Barnes. He stood seemingly unaffected next to Rogers, but his right arm was tightly holding his metal one, and he seemed tense, too tense. He kept shifting as the two ‘teams’ eyed each other, his eyes nervously going from Tony to Rogers, and so on. Tony cleared his throat.

 

“Shall we enter?”

 

He didn’t want to do it, but he had to.

 

(He didn’t turn his back to any of the Rogues, especially Romanoff and Barton. He stayed close to Rhodey when Rogers walked by and Vision placed a hand on his shoulder. It was fine, Tony told himself. He was safe. Always.)

 

* * *

 

 

Things didn’t really get better. They had to make it work, it was worth more than any of them could fathom. While most of the Rogues were still hard to work with, Rogers was the main problem. He still wouldn’t listen, still thought he was some kind of godly being, still snapped at Tony whenever he considered the man made a ‘mistake’, notably when Tony prioritized saving someone else’s life than the mission.

 

Tony wasn’t alone, however, not anymore. People defended him, and it felt good to see Rogers being brought back to earth.

 

It got tiring after a while.

 

By the third week, Rhodey had taken to glaring threateningly to Rogers, Pepper was arguing with him about the fact that he was still paying for everything the Avengers needed, the kid kept asking him to just dump Rogers somewhere (apparently, seeing Tony with broken bones, punctured lungs, bruises and coughing up flowers had ended his admiration towards Captain America) and Strange had – as surprising as it sounded – suggested sending Rogers in another dimension until Thanos arrived.

 

Tony told them it was alright.

 

* * *

 

 

Two months after their return, Tony found himself alone with Barnes. The man was different, he wasn’t the Winter Soldier, but Tony got the feeling he wasn’t Bucky either. Actually, seeing him flinch whenever Rogers called him that made the message quite clear.

 

“Do you hate me? For what the Winter Soldier, for what I did?” Barnes directly asked him.

 

“What?”

 

The question had taken him by surprise. While he didn’t outright hate the man, he still felt uncomfortable around him. By reflex, his arm tapped around his chest, where his arc reactor used to be, where Rogers slammed his shield.

 

“I’m sorry. For what I did to your parents, for what I did to those people, for what I did to you. I’m sorry. Really.”

 

Tony tilted his head. The apology was…sincere. Barnes truly regretted his actions, it seemed. He looked more aware of the consequences than Rogers. But he still had stayed hidden.

 

“Why now?” Tony asked. “Why not when people died, why not when families were left to deal with their dead while the culprit was hidden away in some unreachable country they didn’t know existed?”

 

Barnes winced. Tony’s tone had been colder than he meant to. Then, again, he shouldn’t care about those kinds of things.

 

“I was back in cryogenic state. I asked King T’Challa to. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. Not as the Winter Soldier.”

 

“So he’s gone?”

 

“He is. Does…does it make you angry? Knowing you won’t be able to avenge your parents, not truly?”

 

Did it? Tony didn’t know. Still… he was tired. He wasn’t the only one fighting demons. They all had their own. And Barnes, on the opposite of a certain someone, felt regretful.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

 

_“Hope? I’m sorry. Please, I’m begging you, don’t keep me out.”_

_“Lang, I’d suggest you to get out now.”_

_“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-“_

_“To what, Lang!? Steal our technology? Become a terrorist? What didn’t you mean to do when you chose to help Rogers without any idea what this conflict was about!?”_

_“I-I…!”_

_“What were you thinking, Scott!? What the fuck were you thinking!?”_

_“I don’t know! I don’t know, alright! It just- suddenly, I could help-“_

_“I don’t want to hear it! The only one you care about is yourself! You never cared about the consequences! Never! Well, I’m done, Scott. Now, I’m truly alone. Thanks to you.”_

_“Alone? Did- did Hank…”_

_“I’ll ask you one more time, Scott, but I don’t expect an answer. What. Were. You. Thinking?”_

 

* * *

 

If anyone was to ask, Tony hadn’t mean to lash out like he did. He hadn’t mean to reveal everything, not like that. He had thought he was over it, but apparently, he wasn’t. Not with Rogers, anyway. But the man had kept pushing and pushing and pushing, and he _wouldn’t_ leave him alone.

 

“You can’t break the team over some fight. You need to work with me, Tony, not against me. I love you, I do, but you have to _move on_.”

 

Tony sneered. “Love? Move on? Like you did with Barnes?”

 

“Leave Bucky out of this! It wasn’t his fault!” Rogers angrily countered.

 

“Shut it, Rogers. Honestly, just _shut up_. It was _never_ about Barnes. You want to talk about my parent’s death? Alright, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about how you _lied_ to me about it. Go on. _Tell me_.”

 

Silence stretched on. Tony scoffed.

 

“Exactly what I thought.”

 

“Tony, please… This…this isn’t-”

 

“This isn’t what, Rogers!? You _lied_ to me. You thought you knew better, so while using _my_ money and _my_ resources, you sought out my parents’ _killer_. Your friend’s killer, if you remember right. And then, when I found out, you teamed up with him and almost killed me. As if tearing off the arc reactor wasn’t enough, you left me to die. Well, guess what, Rogers? Anything I ever felt for you died that day, in Siberia.”

 

(It wasn’t a lie, not really.)

 

“Here’s what we’ll do,” sighed Tony. “You’ll take care of your things, I’ll take care of mine, and we won’t have to interact more than what is absolutely necessary. Now, I have a meeting to go to, so get out of my way.”

 

Rogers didn’t move, but Barnes gently pushed him. Everyone had kept quiet during their argument, but Vision had kept a close eye. After the time where Rhodey had barely managed to refrain from hitting Rogers for calling civilians casualties ‘collateral damages’ and that they couldn’t save everyone and it wasn’t their fault, Tony had asked him to stay at Stark Tower and had told the others they were only allowed to wander the Avengers Compound freely.

 

“Tony, please… I love you.”

 

“Guess what, Rogers? I don’t.”

 

This time, Tony knew he wasn’t lying.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Miss Maximoff. Do you need my help for anything?”_

_“Viz… Can’t you call me Wanda? I thought…”_

_“You thought many things. As for me, I thought you trusted me, Miss Maximoff. Yet, you ignored my advices and attacked me when I asked you to stay inside. I now ask that you keep your distance.”_

_“Viz… I-I’m sorry.”_

_“Sometimes, sorry isn’t enough, Miss Maximoff. Mistakes aren’t that easily forgiven, not when it costs lives. I’m not the one you should apologize to. The one you should make amends to. And Mr. Stark isn't either.”_

_“…I know. I talked with Shuri – the Wakandan princess. She said… she made me think about a lot of things. About responsibility. And blame.”_

_“Did you learn anything from her?”_

_“Yes. But Steve… I don’t understand him. I don’t understand myself. I thought it was fine when he said it wasn’t my fault, that I did what I could. But people still died. Died like my parents did. And I never realized it before. How can he not see that? Isn’t he-”_

_“Captain America, or Steve Rogers if you prefer, is only human. He makes mistakes. What’s wrong, however, is that he doesn’t learn from it. Was Princess Shuri the one who told you that?”_

_“Yes. Viz… do you think-still think that we can…”_

_“I apologize, Miss Maximoff. I can be your friend, if you need one. But it will stop there. I cannot whole-heartedly trust someone who’d hurt my creator so easily, who’d tried to kill him on misunderstandings, or differences of point of views. Because you did try to. Many times.”_

_“I did. I’m sorry.”_

_“Like I said, I’m not the one you should say that to.”_

_“You’re not. Thank you, Viz.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“Boss, there’s someone to see you.”

 

“I’m busy. They can come later, Fri.”

 

Tony was currently working on the newest addition on his suits, nanotechnology. If he did manage to get it right, the possibilities would be endless. He couldn’t allow himself to rest, not yet, anyway.

 

“I’m sorry, Boss. As per the ‘Tony needs friends’ protocol, since it’s been 84 hours since you last talked to another human being, I have to allow him to enter the tower.”

 

“What about my privacy? And what the hell is this protocol!?”

 

“The protocol was installed by Miss Potts. Your visitor will remain in the tower entrance, as there are no protocols to prevent his presence in the tower. If you refuse to meet him, Boss, I will have to advise Miss Potts about your comportment.”

 

“My comportment,” Tony scoffed. “I’m not in fucking kindergarten. But fine, I’ll go. Who is it?”

 

“James Barnes.”

 

“Barnes!? Who allowed him inside? Didn’t I say to keep all ex-Avengers out?”

 

“As Mr. Barnes was never a member of the Avengers, he wasn't included in that instruction. Do you wish to add him?”

 

Tony thought for a moment.

 

“It’s fine. He’s not that bad.”

 

* * *

 

 

_“Laura? I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. Where are the kids?”_

_“Stay away, Clint. I only came to clarify a few things and make sure you understand them.”_

_“Laura?”_

_“These are the divorce papers. By signing them, you relinquish your guardianship over my kids and allow me to be free of you. I’d suggest you sign. You have no chance of winning this case.”_

_“Divorce? What are you talking about?”_

_“You were gone for two years, Clint. You left me in the middle of a vacation to go back with a group you had no relation with anymore. You left me to take care of my children while running off who knows where. One time was enough. If you had been honest with me, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. But you weren’t.”_

_“I had no choice. Steve-“_

_“You were retired, Clint. You had no reason to be there. None. Now, sign those.”_

_“I won’t. I had to help Steve, you have to understand this.”_

_“I do. I do understand that instead of protecting your family, you’d rather follow the man who almost killed them.”_

_“Kill? What are you talking about? Steve wouldn’t-“_

_“He wouldn’t? Wasn’t he the one who dumped all HYDRA’s info for anyone to find, along with SHIELD’s?”_

_“He had to stop them. There was no other way. What does it have to do with anything?”_

_“He dumped all SHIELD’s info, Clint. You do realize it includes yours, I hope. What do you think I felt when killers broke into our houses and held guns to my children’s throat? It took them time, yes, but they did find us. I need protect my family, Clint, and if it involves cutting you out of their lives, then so be it. Now, sign.”_

_“I’m sorry, Laura. Please, just give me another chance. I promise it was the last time, I swear it to you.”_

_“I’m tired of empty promises. It won’t keep us alive. Sign, Clint.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“So, Barnes, what did you want?”

 

Tony sat down comfortably, as if he hadn’t spent the last days inside his lab. Barnes cleared his throat.

 

“Stark. I know I shouldn’t have the right to be here. I won’t be long. I just wanted to warn you that Stevie intends to take the quinjet tonight to go chase HYDRA. There are rumours some of them are in Alberta.”

 

“Should I be surprised? I don’t think so. Why are you telling me this?” Tony’s voice was flat. Rogers could do whatever he wanted, he would just have to face consequences afterwards.

 

“I felt like you deserved to know.”

 

“You’re among the only ones who think so. It may be my resources, but the Avengers can spend them however they want, can’t they?”

 

Barnes frowned, as if he was searching for a hidden message.

 

“This isn’t right,” he finally answered. “They didn’t work for it. You did.”

 

“So? I don’t deserve it. It will only be wasted with me.”

 

“It won’t. Shuri told me you’re one of the main reasons the rest of the world has any chance to catch up with Wakanda. Your AI alone are on an entirely different level.”

 

“Shuri?” Tony interrupted, because Barnes kept complimenting him and it felt _weird_.

 

“The Wakandan princess. She was the one to free me from those triggers. She also built back my arm.”

 

Tony’s gaze flickered to it. Desire showed in his eyes.

 

“May I see it?”

 

“Sure.”

 

The next hour saw them move to one of Tony’s less important labs as he carefully analyzed the design of the arm. While Tony did see how some improvements could be made, it was still way better than the original one that he only got a glimpse of.

 

“Say, Barnes. Do you have a problem with ‘Bucky’?”

 

The assassin flinched but kept silent for a moment. Then, he sighed and answered Tony.

 

“I’m not Bucky. I have his memories; I know about who he was. But he’s not me. Too much changed, too much happened… I’m not him, and he’s not me.”

 

“I see.” Tony hummed. “I sometimes feel the same with Vision and JARVIS, you know? I try not to let it show, but Vision does catch on sometimes.”

 

“Does it make him uncomfortable?” Barnes’ tone was curious, but Tony knew there was more to his question than it seemed.

 

“I don’t think so. I differentiate them, and I know JARVIS as I knew him is gone. Vision is his own person, he’s still learning – we all are – but he already knows who he is. He isn’t JARVIS, even if it constitutes a part of who he is.”

 

“I wish I could say that to.”

 

“I guess as much. Rogers’ not the kind of person who’s willing to sit down and talk. If he can use his fists, he will use them.”

 

“He’s not that bad,” Barnes weakly protested. Tony only raised an eyebrow.

 

“Who do you want to convince? Look, Barnes, I won’t lie to you. You killed my parents, as unwilling as it was, it remains a fact. You and Rogers killed a whole lot of other people too when you escaped. The only reason I’m letting you free right now is because what’s coming to us is more important than my own feelings. But I don’t need you – or Rogers – in my life.”

 

“I understand.”

 

Tony looked at Barnes. He wasn’t the Winter Soldier, and he wasn’t Bucky either. He was someone else, someone who was still searching himself. He was like Vision, and with that acknowledgment, Tony knew he was about to fold.

 

“I think it’s fine if you don’t know yet. You could do like Vision, you know? Travel around the world, find what you want to be… I’d be willing to help you do that.”

 

“I can’t leave Stevie,” Barnes countered softly.

 

“You can. I’m quite sure he’s the one who can’t let you go. Thing is, if he wants to keep you as his friend, he’ll have to. I know it. You know it too.”

 

“And what if I wanted to remain here? Would you allow me?” Barnes asked curiously.

 

“I would. But it’s not what you need. There are too much memories, here. Good ones and bad ones.”

 

“Are there? You seem to have recovered well. Stevie thinks you never loved him.”

 

At this sentence, Tony couldn’t keep his disbelief. A scoff escaped him. “Right back at him. I made choices to survive.”

 

“Do you regret them?”

 

“Sometimes, I do. Other times, not so much. What about you?”

 

“What about me?”

 

“I’m sure Wakanda would have been more than happy to keep you. They feel they owe you a debt. You’re the only one they wanted there. And I’m not only talking about the king. People loved you. I heard rumours of what you did, and what the others didn’t do.”

 

“I had to. It was the least I could do.” Barnes shifted, umconfortable. Tony ignored it.

 

“And it was proof that you were someone good. You were loved, Barnes. You still could be. Nobody would hold it against you if you were to stop fighting. You’ve been fighting all your life.”

 

“I can’t let them die. I can’t let anyone else die. My fate has always been war. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

 

“War? What kind?”

 

“One worthy of a hero.”

 

An achillea, then, Tony realized. No wonder. A soft smile graced his lips.

 

“Your fate may have been heroic, may have been war, but you always dreamt of peace, didn’t you? Peace. Home.”

 

Barnes didn’t answer. Tony pursued.

 

“You don’t strike me as someone who fights to be a hero. You look like someone who had no other choice, someone who kept fighting every day because he wanted to go home and rest, not because he wanted to go out in glory. Not like someone else.”

 

Barnes narrowed his eyes.

 

“And what about you?”

 

“Peace was my fate, yet my dreams are filled by war. Screams, blood, death. Name it, and I dreamt it.”

 

“And yet, you keep fighting?”

 

“I do. I always loved too much. It included my family. It included Rogers. It includes this planet and its people. I fight because I want them to have a future. You can tear out my power, you can break me, you can crush my heart. I’ll still get up and fight. It’s who I am. On the other hand, who are you, Barnes? Who are you fighting for?”

 

“I don’t know. I…”

 

“You don’t know who you fight for because you don’t want to fight. And it’s fine. Better than most, actually. If you don’t want to, you won’t have to. Just say the word, Barnes.”

 

Tony got up, fully intended to leave, when Barnes stopped him.

 

“Wait! Stark, why are you doing this for me? I… You of all people should hate me.”

 

“Yet I don’t. I told you, Barnes. I always loved too much, too deeply. You’re part of this planet. You’re someone I want to protect. If it means letting you go away, I’ll do it.”

 

“But don’t you need as many fighters as you can?”

 

“I do. However, I need people who fight for this planet, not people who die for it.”

 

“I see. I’ll think about it.”

 

Bucky let Tony leave. Just before he was out of reach, however, he let out a last sentence.

 

“I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know, Stark.”

 

Tony didn’t answer.

 

* * *

 

 

_Did you know!?_

_I didn’t know it was him, Tony!_

_Don’t fuck with me! Did. You. Know!?_

_Yes._

**_Yes (I knew and I still lied to you.)_ **

****

**_Yes (I knew and I still blamed you.)_ **

****

**_Yes (I knew and I still tried to kill you.)_ **

**_Yes._ **

 

* * *

 

 

Tony awoke with a startling gasp. Immediately, FRIDAY’s voice was heard.

 

“Boss. You seem to be experiencing a panic attack.”

 

“I wouldn’t have guessed, Fri,” Tony harshly answered back, still gasping.

 

One. Two. Three. Breathe in.

 

Four. Five. Six. Breathe out.

 

Everything was fine. He was safe.

 

One. Two. Three. Breathe in.

 

Four. Five. Six. Breathe out.

 

He wasn’t drowning. He wasn’t dying. He was home. He was safe.

 

One. Two. Three. Breathe in.

 

Four. Five. Six. Breathe out.

 

One. Two. Three. Breathe in.

 

Four. Five. Six. Breathe out.

 

One. Two. Three. Breathe in.

 

Four. Five. Six. Breathe out.

 

Tony didn’t know how much time passed, but he finally got back to himself.

 

“What time is it, Fri?” he asked, voice hoarse.

 

“It is currently four am. You had three hours of sleep, Boss. Should I call Mr. Rhodes as per ‘Tony is a self-sacrificing shit’ protocol?”

 

Tony blinked. Once. Twice. What the hell was wrong with those protocols?

 

“No. It’s fine, Fri.”

 

“Is it?”

 

Tony hesitated. “It isn’t. But it will be.”

 

* * *

 

 

_“I can’t believe you, Stevie! Stark gave you everything he had, and you betrayed him!?”_

_“I didn’t betray him! You have to understand, Bucky. It was for you.”_

_“Well, I don’t. I don’t understand, Stevie. Why did you even lie to him in the first place?”_

_“I didn’t lie!”_

_“For fuck’s sake! And don’t you ‘language’ me, you little asshole! Lying by omission is still fucking lying! Goddammit!”_

_The assassin stopped when he noticed Steve’s growing smile._

_“Why are you smiling!? This is serious!”_

_“I missed you, Buck. Just like old times, right?”_

_“Old times? Really? That’s ALL you can think about right now? OLD FUCKING TIMES!?”_

_“I don’t understand why you’re so angry. We’re together. Till the end of the line, right?”_

_“This isn’t war, Stevie! This isn’t even a battle! This is a goddamn disaster, and it’s our fault! What were you thinking!?”_

_“I was thinking of you! Of us!”_

_“And Stark? What about him? Didn’t he ever mattered in your great plan of ‘Saving the soldier Bucky’?”_

_“Tony will understand, I’m sure of it. We just fought a little.”_

_“A little? A little!? I tore off the whatever-is-its-name that powered his suit from what Princess Shuri told me! And then, you had to go and leave him in fucking freezing Siberia! And don’t tell me he was fine, he was on the verge of death! I saw the pictures!”_

_“Pictures?”_

_Bucky stopped for a moment. Then, he immediately went into another rant._

_“The pictures where we can see his crushed bones, punctured lungs, broken ribs and ripped skin to prove that no, he did not – in fact – let us go freely! The pictures that have been circulating around all the medias for the last weeks!”_

_“It must be a lie. You shouldn’t trust those things. I didn’t even hit him that hard.”_

_“Not that hard? Not that hard!? Don’t you also ‘not that hard’ me! He’s human! He doesn’t have a super-serum to allow him to withstand those hit of yours! Or mine for that matter! Were it not for that armor – an armor we tore apart by the way! – I’m quite sure there wouldn’t even be an Iron Man anymore because he would be dead! Dead, you hear me!? Don’t you think I have enough blood on my hands already!?”_

_“It wasn’t your fault, Bucky. You didn’t want to. You didn’t know.”_

_“Funny you should mention that because I had the most interesting conversation with that witch of yours, the one from HYDRA. Apparently, she blamed Stark for her parents’ death. What do you have to say about that?”_

_“He shouldn’t have made that weapon in the first place.”_

_“You mean the weapon he **didn’t want** sold to terrorist and **didn’t know** was sold to terrorist. I read about it. He was never aware of anything like that, and when he did, he put a stop to it.”_

_“I told you! Those things can’t be trusted!”_

_“On what basis? Yours!? Should I only trust you, then!?”_

_Steve took a deep breath._

_“We’re both tired. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”_

_No, they wouldn't. By tomorrow, Bucky and the Winter Soldier would be back where they belonged until they found a way to get rid of the triggers. And when he woke up, Bucky hoped they would both stay dead. He was done. He couldn’t do this, not anymore._

_One year later, when James Buchanan Barnes woke up and simply greeted everyone with hesitation, Steve finally understood he lost him._

_It didn’t mean he accepted it._

 

* * *

 

 

“I think I have an answer, Tony.”

 

“What?”

 

Tony looked strangely at Bar-James. The man had come many times in the last weeks, and for reasons he couldn’t understand, Tony kept letting him in.

 

“About who I want to fight for. I think I found it.”

 

“Well, go on. Nothing’s stopping you.”

 

“I want to fight for the children. I want to fight for those who lost everything and still need to lose more. I want to fight so they won’t have to. So they can live a happy life.”

 

“So you’ll fight?”

 

James shook his head negatively. “I want to fight but I can’t. Bucky can.”

 

“Bucky?”

 

“He’s still there. I can…feel him, I guess? I’m not like you, Tony. The world needs a Bucky, may even needs a Winter Soldier. It doesn’t need a dreamer; it doesn’t need a James.”

 

“That’s not true. The world needs anyone. It is made of people, not ideals.”

 

“Right now, it needs Bucky more than James.”

 

“But _I_ need James more than I need Bucky.”

 

James’ face was filled with softness. “You’re a kind man, Stark. You’re a good man, better than most who would tell you the opposite. I came to say my goodbyes. Thank you for everything.”

 

“You’re truly leaving?”

 

“I guess so. And…Stark… I’ll never say it enough. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine,” told him Tony even when he felt the familiar burning on his side.

 

Later, he found camellias on his skin. _Gratitude_. And Tony did suppose he was grateful for James’ friendship, as short as it had been, even if the man ended up leaving. It didn’t matter. People always left; it was only a matter of time. Tony knew he shouldn’t take it to heart, it wasn’t anything new.

 

Telling himself that didn’t make it better. And somewhere, in the back of his mind, a voice started whispering again that he wasn’t enough, that Tony needed to be better.

 

Tony knew it wasn’t true. He knew he was worth more than what his mind insisted on telling him.

 

Somewhat, it didn’t make him feel any better when Steve and Barnes were suddenly back to being closer than ever.

 

It didn’t hurt any less.

 

Tony had few friends. And, as unfair as it was, he couldn’t help but resent Rogers for taking one of those from him (and yes, he was aware it wasn’t Rogers’ fault. It didn’t mean he couldn’t be angry at him.)

 

Thanos was coming. This was the reason Barnes was back. There were more important things than Tony’s heart for the moment.

 

There always were more important things than Tony, actually.

 

He’d deal with his feelings later. Thanos came first.

 


	6. Stephen Vincent Strange

**Peace is a lonely word**

**As lonely as those who bear it**

**And love is a beautiful world**

**Yet you stood there, alone**

 

* * *

 

Thanos came.

 

Thanos came to Earth with his army.

 

Thanos came to Earth with his army and they fought him.

 

They fought him as a team, together, just like Strange said they would.

 

They did win.

 

They won, as unlikely as it was.

 

They won, but it didn’t stop anything.

 

The guilt (because the Fantastic Four were now two. Both Storm were dead.)

 

The pain (Tony had lost friends. He had lost his family. He had tried to protect him, but he had been too late, and now, Vision was _gone_.)

 

The fear (every time he closed his eyes, he was back in Thanos’ grip, gasping for breath, convinced that he was going to die because he always had to rely in himself in those kinds of situations before. Every time he closed his eyes, he was back there, but this time, there were no Rhodey, no Peter and no Wanda to save him. Only him, choking to death.)

 

They won, but it didn’t feel like winning.

 

It felt like losing. Losing slowly, maybe, but still losing.

 

Earth’s mightiest defenders (well, those that were still alive) were now too hurt to do anything except trying to heal their scars and go back to saving people. By now, they were scattered across the globe, each evading the attention, trying to find some semblance of normalcy in their now broken mind.

 

It was harder than it looked.

 

(and, in the back of Tony’s mind, he couldn’t stop thinking about JARVIS. About the fact that he failed to protect him – not once, but twice – and that Vision was also dead. This time, there was no coming back.)

 

He didn’t want to accept it. He wanted to keep believing that Vision was still there, that he hadn’t lost another of his friends.

 

Trying to ignore the truth didn’t mean it didn’t exist.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Bucky’s dead, Tony.”_

_“So I heard.”_

_“That’s it? That’s all you have to say!? He died because he felt like he owed it to you! And now, you’re gonna act like this, a self-entitled idiot who only care about himself!?”_

_“Don’t. Don’t Rogers. I’m too tired right now to care about whatever you want to say.”_

_“He didn’t owe you. No one does. If anything, you’re the one who owe them.”_

_“And what about you? Vision’s also dead, Rogers. Just like Susan and Johnny Storm, just like Loki. Will you also go to Thor and ask him to make amends? Or better, will you tell him that his brother died for a great cause and that his sacrifice should be honored!? Honestly, Rogers, will you ever grow up?”_

_“You… you’re not worthy of being Iron Man. You’re no one, Stark.”_

_“If I’m no one, what does that make you? Without me, there’s no Iron Man. Without you, there still would have been a Captain America. I told you. Grow. Up.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry Stark. There was no other way.”

 

Tony refused to look up. He couldn’t even escape to his lab, the wizard could just teleport himself inside. He continued to focus on his work.

 

“I know their deaths hurt. I know you partly blame me. You’re right to do so. But Stark… this outcome was the best one.”

 

“How so? How!?” Tony choked out. “They’re dead. Gone.”

 

“I know.”

 

His calm voice infuriated Tony. He wanted to lash out, he wanted to curse him. He contained himself.

 

“Just leave, Strange. Just…get out.”

 

“Of course. I’m sorry.”

 

When Tony rose his eyes, Strange was gone.

 

It felt lonely.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Stark.”_

_“Maximoff.”_

_The woman looked at him, unmoving, red mist still surrounding her. For a moment, Tony thought she was going to attack him. Then, the red disappeared. Her gaze moved to the body by her side. Vision._

_“He was my friend. One of my only friends. He knew more about me than anyone, save for my brother,” she whispered. “Even after everything, he was still willing to be.”_

_“He was better than us,” added Tony, and Maximoff sent him a quick glance before looking back at the android._

_“He was,” she confirmed. “I apologize, Stark. For what I did. I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s fine. It’s alright. I’m over it.”_

_She looked at him with unreadable eyes._

_“You can admit you’re not fine, Stark. I won’t judge you for it. No one will. I, for once, am not okay. Everyone I cared about is dead.”_

_“The Avengers are still alive.”_

_“Not all of them. Not those who should be. I don’t want to be near Steve. I don’t want to be near anyone. I’ve hurt enough people. If they ask you about me, Stark, tell them I died today.”_

_“He would have wanted you to live on. To be happy,” Tony told her._

_“Maybe he would,” she sighed. “Maybe he would…”_

 

* * *

 

 

Strange came again. He kept coming every day, even when he knew Tony would send him away. Tony wondered why. The man had that infuriating habit of keeping quiet whenever he felt it would help his motives. Because he had motives, Tony was sure of it.

 

“You shouldn’t push out your family. Those kids of yours – what was their name again, Harley and Peter? – they care about you. They’ll always love you, even if you give up on Iron Man. They care more about the man than the armor he wears.”

 

“I did enough damage. If they stay with me, they’ll die,” Tony muttered, still evading Strange’s gaze.

 

“Yet, right now, they’re alive thanks to you. You gave them a future,” the sorcerer retorted, unperturbed.

 

“And staying away will allow them to preserve it.”

 

“Who are you trying to convince?”

 

Tony stayed quiet. Strange sighed.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

* * *

 

_“Mr. Stark? Did we win? I don’t hear anything anymore.”_

_“Kiddo?”_

_“I’m not a kid. I’m…I’m Peter? Yeah… I’m Peter Parker…”_

_“Kid, where are you? FRIDAY, give me his location.”_

_“I- I don’t know. It’s kinda dark? And small? It-it hurt to breathe. I don’t feel so good. I-“_

_“Boss, Peter’s location is currently seven minutes away from you. Something is interfering with sensors; it is possible he is underground. Dr. Strange is the closest to him, do you want me to alert him?”_

_“Yes. Do so, please. Try to override Karen if you can. I’m coming, kid. I’m coming.”_

_When they found Peter, he was under a pile of rocks. From what Tony gathered, he had been thrown into a cave and it had collapsed on him._

_His kid almost died, and Tony didn’t notice until it was almost too late._

_He could have lost him._

**_He could have lost him._ **

 

* * *

 

 

“Why are you trying so hard? We beat Thanos, shouldn’t you be back to wherever you came from, now?”

 

Tony had snapped, harsher than he meant to, and he winced slightly. Strangely enough (no pun intended), Strange didn’t seem offended.

 

“I’m trying to understand you.”

 

“Why? I’m a mess, that’s all you need to know. Now, go away,” Tony ordered, hating the begging and despair in his voice. This _wasn’t_ what he needed right now.

 

“You’re a curiosity, Stark, did you know that? In all the futures I saw, there wasn’t one where you gave up. You always kept fighting, no matter the odds, no matter the pain it caused you. No matter the sacrifice it took. More often than not, you gave up your life.”

 

“Then why am I still alive? Why did they have to die? Why couldn’t you let me die if it could have saved them!?”

 

“It wouldn’t have saved them, Stark,” Strange countered softly with something akin to compassion in his voice. “Not all of them, anyway. I chose that way because I wanted to give those kids of yours a father to watch them grow up. I wanted them to live, not waste their lives for years because they felt it was their fault you died. Because they felt they could have done better. I chose that way because I wanted you to die knowing you deserved love, not thinking you were worth less than trash.”

 

“Then, you should have known better,” Tony gasped out. “Nobody cares about a mass-murderer, a monster. You should have let me die.”

 

“You’re not a monster, Stark. A monster wouldn’t have feelings. A monster wouldn’t grow flowers on his skin for people who don’t deserve them. You’re not a monster. You’re a hero, and you will be remembered as such.”

 

“I’m no hero. I never was.”

 

This time, when the words go out, Tony felt the resignation. It wasn’t new. It was something he forced himself to remember as he was betrayed time and time again. He wasn’t a hero. He was just the guy who wanted to love and who wanted to protect those he loved.

 

He was the man who kept failing everything.

 

It was always only a matter a time.

 

* * *

 

 

“Why did you keep me alive, Strange? Why me?”

 

The doctor was sitting on the other side of the table. Tony was tinkering with wires, but he wasn’t paying a lot of attention to it.

 

 “You deserved it. After everything you went through, the betrayal and the despair, you deserved love. I believe you made amends a long time ago for what you consider your sins. And Stark… you shouldn’t listen to what Rogers tell you if he’s not willing to listen to you.”

 

“You heard about that?” Tony asked, still fiddling.

 

“He made his opinion quite clear.”

 

“That he did,” Tony granted with a sigh.

 

“I stand by what I said,” Strange insisted. “There are people who love you, people who want to protect you just as you protect them.”

 

Tony simply shook his head.

 

“I was stupid enough to believe I deserved love and a family already. I got hurt. I got all of them hurt. I’m done trying.”

 

Strange let a soft smile graced his lips. “You’re not. You’ve never been done trying.”

 

“We shall see.”

 

The doctor inclined his head. “We shall, indeed.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Why did you save me? I’m not talking about right now, not about Thanos. I’m talking about Siberia. Why did you save me?”

 

“You already asked me that question. I already told you. Thanos was coming.”

 

“You told me that. That doesn’t explain everything. Why?”

 

“Because you’re the reason so many enhanced individuals, so many vigilantes, chose to fight. You might not see it, Stark, but people know you and respect you, ever since you flew that nuke into space. You saved their life and you were willing to do that by sacrificing your own. Always. Those people respect that and admire you for it. Without you, there would have been no alliance.”

 

“There would have been one. They would have gotten together,” Tony countered, frowning at Strange, irritated that the man thought him this idiotic.

 

“Maybe. Maybe not. But even if they did, Stark, it would have been too late by then. You saved the world.”

 

“I didn’t. The people who died did.”

 

“You did.”

 

* * *

 

 

“Do you sometimes wish you could go back? Make things better?”

 

This time, they were in the kitchen. Strange had forced Tony out of his lab so he could eat something. Tony had begrudgingly obliged.

 

“The time stone’s powers are not to be used selfishly.”

 

“This wasn’t an answer,” Tony frowned.

 

“I don’t regret what I went through. It’s part of who I am,” Strange finally told him.

 

“Who you are, you say…? Maybe you’re right.”

 

“And who are _you_ , Stark?”

 

“I don’t know. I just… I’m just…I’m just the guy who wants to protect his family.”

 

“That’s already a beginning, isn’t it?”

 

Tony looked up at Strange, at his calm eyes, at the way he looked at him with so much _understanding_ that it _hurt_.

 

“It is,” he finally agreed.

 

* * *

 

 

The first time they kissed, it wasn’t a surprise. It was filled with tenderness, softness, and more than anything, _peace_.

 

It was filled with peace, and Tony never wanted to let it go.

 

It was filled with peace, something he’d been searching all his life.

 

It was filled with peace, love and comprehension.

 

Tony wanted to keep it. Strange told him he could.

 

So he did.

 

* * *

 

 

Their relationship was special.

 

It wasn’t like Howard’s, where Tony had scrapped every bit of affection he could.

 

It wasn’t like Rhodey’s, born more of despair than anything else.

 

It wasn’t like Pepper’s, filled by guilt on Tony’s part for failing her time and time again.

 

It wasn’t like Steve’s, where he let himself be taken apart and rebuilt just for him.

 

It wasn’t like Barnes’, where it was more of a desire to help.

 

Their relationship was special, and Stephen always made sure Tony knew that.

 

He thanked him when Tony helped him.

 

He showed him bits of magic, colorful butterflies flying around them.

 

He held him when Tony woke up in the night with a soundless scream.

 

He whispered how much Tony meant to him.

 

He made sure Tony took care of himself, even if it meant dragging him to bed at 2 am.

 

Tony felt loved.

 

He felt happy.

 

This time, those weren’t lies.

 

This time, forget-me-not grew on his skin, and he felt no shame in showing it.

 

Flowers were a part of Tony. They always had been. They showed how he came to be, why he was who he was.

 

Tony loved them. Tony loved Stephen.

 

And more importantly than anything, Stephen loved him back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at the end! Last chapter (which should quickly come, normally) is an extra, so the main story stops here. Thank you everyone for your support and I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it.


	7. Peter Parker (Extra)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or the one where Tony learns something and is angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who wonder about the timeline, the first part is set between Rogers and Barnes, during the two years. It is also after Homecoming. The second part is after Thanos came.

Peter was standing in front of his idol. He was standing in front of Iron-Man, of Tony Stark. Normally, it would have been a dream come true. Right now…he wished he could just disappear.

 

“Can you tell me when you got the first one?” the man asked and Peter shuffled his feet, unwillingness written clearly on his features.

 

“Does it really matter?” he asked with a small voice, wishing desperately for the answer to be negative.

 

Granted, it may have been his fault in the first place. However, he thought he had hidden it quite cleverly and without Harley, Mr. Stark would never have known.

 

Damn it, Harl!

 

“Kid,” said Mr. Stark with a stern voice and Peter dropped his gaze. “I know for sure that when you left you last time, you had no such flowers. _What_ happened?”

 

“Well…” started Peter, cringing at his own voice, “a lot can happen in a few months, right? It’s not a big deal. It’s just a few flowers.”

 

“Those are black roses and gladiolus, kiddo. I think it’s in my right to worry.”

 

_Death_.

 

“Whatever happened, it won’t happen again,” tried Peter with a tense smile.

 

Mr. Stark’s unimpressed look told him what an utter failure it was.

 

“When?”

 

“…it was my own fault. It wasn’t-“

 

“ _When_ , Peter?”

 

The teenager sighed. It wasn’t like he could really hide it any longer. At least, there were only the two of them right now.

 

“You remember the Vulture?” he started softly, regretting each decision he ever made that led to this point.

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Well… you know how he tried to steal your plane, right? And then, well… I had to stop him, right?” he pursued, glancing quickly at the window to evaluate if he could just jump out and escape this situation.

 

Probably not.

 

“ _Right_ ,” was Mr. Stark’s answer before he moved between the window and Peter.

 

“Before I stopped him, he kind of…how to say that…dropped a building? On me?” he finally explained, wincing at the darkening expression on the man facing him.

 

“He dropped a building,” he repeated with a flat tone. “On _you_.”

 

Peter nodded quietly. Then, a realization seemed to cross Mr. Stark’s face and his stern expression fell. Horror replaced it.

 

“I had taken your suit,” he remembered. “I…how did you get out?”

 

“It’s fine, Mr. Stark. It’s alright. It’s in the past,” whispered Peter, hating that expression of sheer vulnerability on his face.

 

This is _why_ he didn’t want to talk about it, his claustrophobia be damned! Everything was Harley’s fault!

 

“ _How_?” the man insisted.

 

“…I have super-strength,” Peter simply mumbled.

 

Mr. Stark’s expression seemed even more distraught. Peter could see guilt and self-depreciation dancing in his eyes. Then, his expression hardened.

 

“It won’t ever happen again, kid. I promise. Nobody will take your suit, and nobody will ever make you go through that again. I swear it.”

 

Peter simply nodded. “I believe you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Peter didn’t have as many flowers as Mr. Stark.

 

No one had as many flowers as him, and the man wished it would stay this way.

 

It was easy to understand how the man felt when – two years later – Thanos came and Peter found himself crushed under rocks.

 

When Peter grew more black roses on his arms.

 

When _death_ kept surrounding him.

 

* * *

 

 

Peter, on the other hand, didn’t care about the flowers. For him, they weren’t a reminder that he had almost died.

 

They were telling him how he kept surviving, time and time again.

 

They were telling him that Mr. Stark wouldn’t let him die, would always have his back.

 

For him, they were a sign of the link between the two of them.

 

Aunt May was his closest family, almost his mother.

 

Harley was something like a big brother to Peter.

 

Mr. Stark – Iron-Man – was his hero.

 

Sometimes, Peter couldn’t help thinking how Mr. Stark was more, someone akin to the father he never knew. Every time the man called him ‘kid’, every time Tony spoke of _his_ kid, Peter felt happy.

 

It was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't see Peter ever breaking Tony's heart, but I wanted IronStrange in my story. Since there was only one time where Tony could keep his heart happy, I chose to have a bonus chapter with Peter, shorter than the others. I also really like Peter and Harley being some kind of brothers and spending time together, even if the latter couldn't truly make it in my story in the end.
> 
> Again, thank you everyone!


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